i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
