Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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