im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
