I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize