It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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