To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Everything about him screamed your future.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
