how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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