I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
