Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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