Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
