the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
