I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
