i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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