If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
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Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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