Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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