Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize