Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
