So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
