Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
