I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize