Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
