thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
