just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why are your pants in the freezer?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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