I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
