She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In other news, I just burned my penis
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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