he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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