I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
