haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
