I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
