walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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