You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
