I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
