sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Small penises have feelings too.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
