I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
