who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
