Old men and throwing up are my life now.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
