Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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