Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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