I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
