none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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