Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
this is an emotional support booty call
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
