Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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