If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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