I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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