and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
