I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
