Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
