i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize