I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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