I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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