There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
