You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
