I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
