well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
