She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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