Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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