I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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