once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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