i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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