You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
