yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
