I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
