I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
