Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
