ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize