i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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