Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
