im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
