he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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