I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You brought string cheese to the strip club
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
