in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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