just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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