Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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