I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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