The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
