Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My bed smells like the plague
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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