Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
