i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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