I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
