this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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