Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
