im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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