hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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