HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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