I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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