mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
